


In The Darkness, I See Your Light

by SHFanFics



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Bardo, Bardo Bellamy, Brainwashed Bellamy, Dark Bellamy, F/M, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, Penance - Freeform, void!bellamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 12:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24849517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHFanFics/pseuds/SHFanFics
Summary: Bellamy is taken to Bardo a lot earlier than we thought and in that time, they changed him. He only knows and remembers what his captors want him to. More specifically he knows the following;My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin-Or a S7 Bellarke centric one shot told through Bellamy's perspective. (Ok less spec more my unrealistic hopes and dreams)
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake & Madi, Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Echo, Bellamy Blake/Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Nathan Miller, Clarke Griffin/Niylah, Clarke Griffin/Raven Reyes, Jordan Jasper Green & Clarke Griffin, Jordan Jasper Green/Raven Reyes, Nathan Miller/Raven Reyes
Comments: 10
Kudos: 70





	In The Darkness, I See Your Light

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys thx for reading! I want to preface this with saying I know a lot of the time line and tech stuff prob doesn't make sense / isn't realistic but just use your imagination plz :) Also I know this is kinda crazy and all over the place but it's based on a combo of a ton of different theories I saw on twitter. Also for the sake of the story, even though it probably is, pretend that Earth is not the offline planet Raven mentions in 7x04. Enjoy and plz drop a comment letting me know what you think it means so much!

_My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin._

The phrase repeated in his head like a mantra just like it had been ever since the disciples had saved him. A few days had passed since his training ended and it was now time to begin his mission. He had trained long and hard in order to complete his orders and serve The Shepherd. He would not disappoint.

Bellamy stood in his quiet room reviewing the details of his mission in his head over and over until he was stirred from his thoughts at the sound of the door being opened. Another disciple walked through and handed him a folded set of clothes and he nodded a thank you before he was once again left alone. He removed his pristine, white clothing and traded it for the clothes in his hands. The disciples told him it was the clothing he was wearing when they saved him and in order for the plan to work, he needed to pretend that no time had passed since then. After changing into the worn and dirtied clothes, he sat down and continued reviewing his mission while he awaited his orders. The door opened to reveal Anders walking into his room.

“Mr. Blake” The man said bold and serious.

“Sir” Bellamy responded with a nod of respect. Anders began to pace around the room silently but Bellamy did not dare to interrupt him as he stood at attention.

“I must say Mr. Blake,” he paused looking back towards Bellamy with a smile spreading across his face. “You’ve done well, made your brothers all very proud.”

“Thank you Sir.” Bellamy nodded again feeling a smidge of pride at the praising words.

“Are you ready for your first mission?” The man questioned and Bellamy gave another swift nod.

“Yes sir.”

“And Mr. Blake, if I may ask, what do you desire?” Anders asked him with a slight tilt of the head, stilling his pacing.

“My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin.” Said Bellamy confident in his words. At his statement, Anders’ smile had returned and he made his way towards the other man, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Very good brother. You will do much good serving The Shepherd.” He gave his shoulder a slight squeeze.

“I am honoured to serve The Shepherd, Sir.” Bellamy nodded back.

“Alright, Mr. Blake, you have your orders. I will send for someone to retrieve you when we are ready to wake your sister. For now, continue to review your mission.” Anders said as he turned his back and began his walk towards the door.

“Yes Sir.” Bellamy said stoically while Anders exited the room and he was once again left alone to prepare for his mission.

Around 20 minutes had passed by the time the door opened again and Bellamy was at his feet and ready to go. Two disciples had walked in and wordlessly motioned for him to follow and they walked in silence for about 5 minutes before entering the stone room. He walked towards the stone and took out the knife that they had given to him while his brothers around him got into position. A radio went off signalling that they were ago and Anders was on his way with Octavia. It was time. Bellamy was ready.

“Hey, big brother.” The raven haired girl spoke as she turned the corner and entered the stone room.

_Octavia_.

That was the girl’s name.

_Octavia Blake_.

They told him all about her and the evil she was doing.

_His sister._

They told him how she was lost and doing all kinds of wrong.

_The girl under the floor_.

She was withholding information that stopped him from completing his mission.

_My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin._

“Let her go, right now.” He said in a tone unlike his own, just like he rehearsed. He was holding the bloodied knife to the neck of his brother, pretending to hold him hostage. He looked towards Anders accusatorially. 

“We can’t do that. These good men you’ve killed, brought you here from Sanctum for a reason. Let the conductor go, and then we can talk.” Anders said taking small steps towards him and his supposed hostage. He let his eyes flicker to the look of worry on the girl’s face for a brief second. The plan was working.

“Her first.” He spoke the practiced line just like he’d been trained to.

“There’s no other way out of this for you, Mr. Blake.” Anders spoke back, his face stoic and not wavering.

“Bell, he’s right.” The girl interrupted. It didn’t take long, things were going better than rehearsed. “Open the bridge and send him back to sanctum. I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Even about Clarke.” At her words his heart inexplicably shot up and a feeling of panic coursed through his blood.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He questioned, feeling lost for a second before snapping out of it. That was not part of the plan. Get Octavia to agree and then stay silent. He shouldn’t have asked about Clarke, truthfully he didn’t even know why he did. He shook off the feeling and look towards Anders awaiting further instruction. Anders walked towards the stone and began typing the key.

“No. Sir, you can’t the-” his _hostage_ spoke, all apart of the act.

“Shut up!” He yelled cutting him off, back to the plan.

“Bell, it’s ok. I can’t let you die to save me.” Said Octavia and he felt a pang in his heart.

_What was happening? Everything was going according to plan, why did he feel like this?_

Once again he shook off the feeling as he saw the bridge open up behind him.

“Jump through. I’ll be ok.” Octavia spoke kindly. He knew he would in just a minute but first he had to put up a fight, like the old Bellamy would, or so they told him.

“No way…” he spoke shaking his head. “Not without you.” Doing his best to fake a sadness in concern and waiting for his cue.

“I do The Shepherd’s bidding, for all mankind.” One of his brothers on the ground called out and he knew it was time, just another second now. The beeping sound had started, 5 seconds to go.

“Bellamy, get down!” The girl called out from across the room.

2 seconds now.

He pushed the conductor aside and jumped through the bridge. He could’ve easily avoided the explosion himself but Anders explained that in order to kill Clarke Griffin, they needed to break Octavia, needed her to think he was dead. So he’d agreed to jump through the bridge for the good of his people and the honour of serving The Shepherd.

They’d explained that they would be sending him to a habitable and empty planet and that the planet was Earth. They told him that the stone would send him to a bunker stocked with food where he would await his brothers to come retrieve him but the wait may be a couple days due to the time dilation. For obvious reasons he was unable to take a disciple suit with him so they provided him with a smaller and less visible piece of tech that would allow him not to lose his memories. 

Now that the bridge was opening up and spitting him out next to a call concrete structure, he looked around him. As far as he could see, the entire place was pretty much desolate. No other buildings, no people, no animals, no trees, no green, just… nothing. _Earth_. He thought. He’d been here before, that much he remembered clearly but it was when he tried to recall the details of his time here or of any of his past really when he would draw a blank. He’d never question it though, he knew what was important.

_He had a sister, Octavia Blake who was withholding information which was vital to winning the last war mankind would ever fight. Clarke Griffin was the key to winning that war, more so killing her was. His name was Bellamy Blake and his one true desire was to kill Clarke Griffin._

He’d began his short walk towards the door of the bunker and opened it up to find what looked to be a sort of lab. He closed the door behind him and made his way to the centre of the room. They’d trained him well for his mission but no one had ever told him that the bunker was a lab. He wondered why they left that part out, it must not have been important to his mission. Bellamy walked around to find the location of the hidden rations his brothers told him about and then made his way to where they described the cots were. He figured if he had to wait a couple days he might as well pass the time faster with sleep, with an added benefit that he’d have plenty of rest and be ready to kill Clarke Griffin as soon as the opportunity presenting itself.

When he entered the room he was somewhat surprised to see it not quite torn apart but definitely worn out. _Someone had been here_. Whoever it was, they were long gone now. The disciples told him that the planet hadn’t been inhabited for over a century and his brothers would never lie to him. There were four cots in the room and two looked neatly untouched. Of the other two, one was covered in dark splotches, they almost look like dried blood but much darker. The other cot was clean just had blanks stripped from it and had definitely been slept in. He opted for one of the seemingly untouched beds and dropped down closing his eyes, repeating his mantra while he fell into a light sleep.

_My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin._

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

**_4 days ago_ **

“Sir, with all due respect, don’t you think it would be a mistake not to take him to M-Cap?”

Bellamy started to come to but kept his eyes closed at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, hoping to learn what he could before taking them out.

“We’ve already gone that route with his sister and it’s taken weeks. If he’s anything like what we’ve learned from her, he will resist and we don’t have that kind of time. We need more information on Clarke Griffin and we need it now. That’s the only way we’re going to win this war.”

_Weeks? It’s taken weeks? He just lost his sister and got taken right after, how would it have been weeks? How long had he been out for? And what did they want with Clarke?_

The seemingly endless number of questions rattled his brain as he fought hard to keep himself from getting up and attacking.

_The long game._

He had to remind himself.

_Play the long game. Use your head and not your heart._

“So what’s the plan then? How are we going to get either of them to turn when we’ve tried for weeks with no avail.” The voice interrupted again.

“Memory reconditioning. Once he’s on our side we use him to turn Octavia and to take out Ms. Griffin. We know they were close so what better way to get to Clarke than through someone she’d never expect to turn on her. Kill two bird with one stone, we can take out Clarke and still maintain the upper hand with the element of surprise. As soon as he wakes up we start the reconditioning and that’s final. Understood?”

By now his blood was boiling.

_Take out Clarke._

Not only were they stupid enough to think that _they_ could ever even lay a hand on Clarke but they somehow seemed to think _he_ would be the one to kill her. Even at their worst of worst times, Bellamy would never even think to lay a hand on her let alone kill her. They were out of their minds if they thought that he was ever going to let anything happen to Clarke. He would never turn to their side and he would never let them or anyone else for that sake, touch her. He was not losing Clarke again and especially not after just getting her back. He’d been stupid enough to lose her once and it was not about to happen again.

“Yes Sir.” The voice said. He heard the sound of a door opening and closing along with retreating footsteps.

Bellamy knew it was time, now or never. He felt someone hovering next to him and heard the sound of a machine beeping. He peaked open his eyes to see a man in all white next to him making adjustments on a machine that was seemingly hooked up to his head. All at once, he ripped his arms from his poorly done restraints, ripped the wires from around his head and jumped towards the man, tackling him to the ground. He pulled the man up and held him in a head lock while he looked around trying to find his best point of escape. His plans were interrupted less than 10 seconds when he saw the door open but no one enter and all of a sudden, was hit over the head and injected with some sort of paralytic, causing him to drop to the ground and lose consciousness once again.

The next time he woke up, Bellamy threw all thoughts of “the long game” out of his mind. Immediately he was up and thrashing around violent trying to loosen the now metal cuffs holding him to the chair. It was no hope no matter what he did, he was stuck there that was it.

_No_

He knew it couldn’t end like this. He needed to get out, rescue Octavia and find Clarke to warn her and protect her against their new enemy, whoever they were. It was too late though, he failed. Another man in all white walked towards him calmly even in his violent state, and pressed a button on the piece of tech he was holding. A loud, ear piercing sound, that no one else in the room seemed to hear, shot through his head. He screamed and stilled his movements and with that, the sound went away. He shot a death glare towards the man in white who was watching him like a lab rat.

“Who are you? What do you want?” He barked out towards the man who looked at him like nothing more than an annoying child.

“Hello Mr. Blake,” he sighed. “Glad to see you’re awake and we can finally begin.” He gave Bellamy a cold smile that didn’t meet the eye.

“Begin what?” He asked with fire laced between his words.

“Well yes, I suppose there’s no harm in explaining the process as you won’t remember in a day or so anyways.” He said confidently and it took everything in Bellamy not to start trying to thrash around violently again. He needed answers and this man could give them to him. “The process is called memory reconditioning or M-Rec for short. Although we won’t be able to hear or see anything you do, we will be able to control it. There’s no point in resisting, the faster you accept that, the faster this ends for you.” The man said stoically.

Bellamy took deep breathes and looked around, trying to calculate his next move when the room around him went black. He sat in darkness and quiet for a moment before a voice broke the silence.

_Clarke_

“Stop! The air could be toxic.” Her voice rang out just like it had many years ago. Then he saw her, not just her all of them. The delinquents in the drop ship debating wether or not to open the door. Still thinking radiation poisoning was going to be their biggest concern on Earth.

_What was happening, how was this happening?_

Then he saw it again. The same memory played over and over like a broken record but something felt a little more off each time until the memory had completely morphed and Bellamy was hardly even aware of it.

“Stop! You shouldn’t be the one to open the door.” Her voice rang out for what seemed to be the 100th time but _that wasn’t right, was it?_ Clarke wouldn’t have said that even if they didn’t get along so well at first.

Then everything changed.

“Bellamy, don’t you see what this means? You’re not a murderer. You’ve always done what you have to, to protect your sister. That’s who you are.” He watched as Clarke walked up to him in his memory. He remembered that day, finding Raven and the radio, throwing it out, setting off the flares.

The memory played again.

“Bellamy, don’t you see what this means? You’re not a murderer. You’ve always done what you have to, to protect yourself. That’s who you are.”

_No that wasn’t right. That wasn’t what Clarke had said to him that day. Was it?_

The memory played again.

Again.

Again.

“Bellamy, don’t you see what this means? You’re a murderer. You’ve always done what you have to, to protect yourself. That’s who you are.”

_No. No. No. She told him he wasn’t like that. Was he lying to himself?_

Eventually her words morphed into hateful remarks and the line between what he was seeing and what he thought he remembered was growing increasingly thin. It happened again. Memory after memory of times he thought were good. Maybe he’d always just been lying to himself. Everything Clarke said felt like a stab in the heart, it made him angry. He treated her like family and all she ever did was leave him to die and to suffer alone. Before he was even aware it was happening, the rest of the people in his life were slipping away. There was only Clarke, there would only ever be Clarke. After what could’ve been hours or maybe even days Bellamy was only sure of one thing.

Clarke Griffin was evil. She was a threat to those around her and needed to be taken out once and for all.

He heard it in his mind at first before he started speaking the words aloud but he knew it was true. His brothers had told him and his brothers would never lie to him, unlike Clarke.

_My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin._

At some point the memories stopped and Bellamy was back in the white room, strapped down to a chair in the middle. The man in the room with him was asking him some questions and he answered without a second thought. His restraints were lifted and the man spoke into a radio saying something along the lines of;

“Memory reconditioning is complete and appears to have been successful, he’s ready to go Sir.”

Then another man walked in, Anders, who’d explained everything. About his mission, their plan, _Clarke_. Bellamy knew he was ready, he’d spent too many years being tricked by Clarke’s lies and he wouldn’t let that happen again, he wouldn’t fail his mission.

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

**_Present Day_ **

Bellamy awoke from his sleep and checked the tattoo counting down on his arm.

2:12:45

Two days, twelve hours and forty-five minutes until he could return to Bardo and get back to his mission. He sat up and made his way to the Rec room in the lab which he’d discovered earlier had some training gear in it, not the best, but better he use his time to train than do nothing at all. He’d been at is for a solid couple hours when he heard a beeping going off from the central room in the lab. It was the same alerting sound he’d heard when he arrived so that meant someone was here, _but they weren’t supposed to come for him so soon? How had they gotten through the bridge so much earlier than expected?_ He made his way up to the central room and looked at the screens above him, their were camera’s displaying the newcomers approaching the entrance to the lab, but they weren’t disciples…

It was a group of five, two male and three female, and they all looked around his age. He didn’t recognize any of them from Bardo so he made his way towards the control panel looking for a way to lock them out. Then the audio came through.

“Raven this - sense - Earth - anomaly stone - ” The audio came through in static chunks.

_Raven… What an odd name. In a way through, it sounded almost familiar._ He shook off the thought and returned his attention to the invaders who continued walking towards the lab. The sound was coming through more clearly as they neared.

“It’s unlike anything - ever seen before - don’t know what - say Clarke”

_Clarke? He took a closer look at the blonde this “Raven” was referring too and to his surprise, he found that upon closer inspection, he did in fact recognize her. Clarke Griffin, the woman who he’d give his own life just to kill. Looks like he’d be completing his mission a lot faster than he’d planned after all. He knew what he had to do. He’d take out Clarke and her companions and then by the time his brothers came back for him, he’d inform them of his victory and they’d be proud of him. He’d do right by his brothers and serve The Shepherd._

_My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin._

He saw them fast approaching and knew he needed to develop a plan. As well trained as he was, he wasn’t naive as to believe he’d win five against one, especially knowing the evil and highly lethal individuals _The Commander of Death_ would surround herself with. He’d need to get her alone in order for things to go smoothly. He abandoned his post at the control station leaving the bunker unlocked and finding himself a place far enough away that he knew he wouldn’t be found out but close enough to keep and eye and ear out. Then he waited.

After about two minutes he heard the door swing open and then close as the sound of voices and footsteps echoed through the large space. As he saw them enter the central room, the footsteps stilled and the place went silent. Raven walked up behind Clarke and placed a hand on her back, seemingly in an effort to comfort her. Bellamy found that strange, why would _The Commander of Death_ need comforting.

“Hey are you alright? I know it must be hard being back here and all.” Raven said quietly to Clarke who was looking around as if she was seeing ghosts.

“Ya I’m fine. It’s just last time I was here,” she sighed “I was covered in blisters and waiting to die, hoping to just live long enough to know you guys made it and it wasn’t all for nothing.” Everyone was silent and looked almost sad at her words. After a short pause, Clarke laughed.

_Of course she’d be laughing in the face of what was probably another trick to kill all those around her. It was what she did, death was all she knew._

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to go all dark and depressing there. We’re on Earth again, in a weird way I guess that’s a good thing?” She asked looking around to her companions and he watched as some of the tension visibly eased around them. Raven began walking towards the control panel with purpose clear in her stride.

“Ya well I love a good reunion with our former dead planet as much as the next guy but how about we find this anomaly stone and get ourselves off this wasteland so we can find, Bellamy, Echo and the others.” Raven said as she began typing into the mainframe.

_Bellamy. He was Bellamy. They knew who he was? They were after him? This must’ve been Clarke’s doing, sending her team on a mission to find and eliminate him once and for all. He wasn’t going to let that happen though._

“Alright let’s go over this again, we have six planets in our network. We know about Sanctum, Narkura, Earth and the offline planet which leaves us with a 50/50 chance of finding Penance.” Raven said turning to the others.

_How did they know about Penance and why did they think he was there?_

“I like those odds.” The older of the two guys said while he laughed.

“Well that also means we have a 50/50 chance of landing on another random planet we know nothing about that could be ten times worse than anything we faced on Narkura.” Clarke said crossing her arms and turning towards her companions.

_Bellamy had to restrain himself from going after her then and there. Even the sound of her voice filled him with an inexplicable rage._

“Way to be an optimist Clarke.” The younger of the two males spoke.

“She’s right. And even if we land up picking the right planet, there’s the added challenge of finding the anomaly stone first. We’ve been all through this lab before and never seen anything like it. What’s so different now?” Raven asked the group.

“Well now we’re not worrying about the end of the world, we know what to look for and we have each other, _together_.” Clarke told them.

For a moment so short he thought he might’ve only imagined it, something in Bellamy shifted.

_Together_.

Something about it just felt so familiar, so right, but like always, he quickly shook off the strange feeling.

_Get it together Blake. You can’t afford to screw up your mission._

“Alright well everybody split up and get to work, the sooner we’re gone the better. You all know what to look for and given that this is the only structure within a close enough range of where the bridge spat us out, I think it’s safe to assume the stone is somewhere in this building.” That got Bellamy’s attention.

_This was it, this was his chance to get her alone and take her out._

Bellamy watched as they all split up and went their separate ways, Clarke walking in the direction he’d come from earlier. He waited until the cost was clear and quietly made his way down the same hallway walking as fast as he could to keep her in his sights without alerting her to his presence just yet. He followed her as she made the turn into the room where the cots had been. He thought that was odd, if she was looking for the stone, even she wouldn’t be stupid enough to think that’s where it’d be. Clarke walked into the room and looked around and all of a sudden he heard her breath hitch. He stood right behind her as he shut the door behind them loudly enough to alert her to his presence and in a second she turned around ready to attack. When their faces met her gaze transformed from fear to confusion to relief in a matter of seconds and before he knew any better, she was running into his arms and throwing her own around him fighting as she breathed a quiet, “ _Bellamy_ ” into her ear.

He didn’t know exactly to expect when going after her but it certainly wasn’t this and as much as he hated to admit, it threw him off guard for a moment as he stood in her arms blind sided. It hardly lasted more than a second before he’d flipped her around and pushed her back up against the wall, grabbing around her throat tightly with no restraint. He saw a flash of emotions plague her face once again as she let out a desperate and pleading call of his name, sounding more like a question than anything.

“ _Bellamy?_ ” She cried through a strained voice. He kept his grip tight enough to hurt but not tight enough to kill, not yet. He needed to draw it out a little first.

“How does it feel to be at death’s mercy yourself, _Wanheda_.” He spit out the words laced with venom and a smirk. She opened her mouth to speak but only she was only able to form a couple incoherent sounds as tears began to well in her eyes. “Not so tough now huh, _Clarke._ ” He let out a bitter laugh as she continued to struggle against his ever tightening grip. “Too long you’ve been a threat to everyone around you. I won’t let you hurt anyone else ever again Clarke. I won’t let you hurt me ever again. This time, you’re the one that dies.” Bellamys grip was becoming stronger with each spiteful word and with it, Clarke’s gasps for air got shorter. “Goodbye _Wanheda_.” Bellamy said bitterly as he tightened his grip to finally end it all, Clarke’s hands gripping desperately at his own, she was weak. It was almost over, he’d almost completed his mission when the door swung open.

“Clarke, I-” Her words were cut short.

Loosening his grip slightly but not enough to let her go, he heard Clarke taking gasping breaths as he turned around to meet another pair of confused and worried eyes.

_Raven_

“ _Bellamy?_ ”

He dropped Clarke who fell straight to her knees, too weak to get up and fight as he went after the other girl, trying to silence her before the commotion got the attention of the others. Raven’s eyes grew wide with realization and then hardened while she held his gaze, each waiting for the other to make the first move. Raven swung her arm at him in an attempt to catch him off guard but he caught it with ease, using it as leverage to force her down into a chokehold. She was squirming against him, trying to get out but he knew it was useless, there was no escaping this for her.

“I really wish you hadn’t come in here.” He whispered roughly. “You just made things a lot more complicated than they had to be.” He continued as he placed a hand on the top of her head and one on the bottom getting ready to snap her neck and take her out as quick as possible. Unlike Clarke, he didn’t want her to suffer unnecessarily, she wasn’t the target, just an unfortunate bystander. “I’m sorry for this.” He said not really meaning it as he readied himself to twist but before he got his chance, a hard force came down upon his head and then everything went black.

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

**_1 Hour Later_ **

“Clarke whoever he is, he’s no our Bellamy.” He heard the girl’s voice he now knew as _Raven_ argue. Bellamy kept his eyes shut as he felt the restraints around his writs.

“I refuse to believe that he’s not somewhere in there still. After everything we’ve been through, this can’t just be the end. He can’t be gone.” A strained voice whimpered.

_Clarke_.

He suppressed a smirk knowing it would alert them to his consciousness but proud of himself that even if he failed this time, at least he’d manage to do a little damage for the time being. His plan of getting Clarke alone may’ve not worked but why not use the devils own tactics against her, a simple trick he decided as he faked waking up.

“He’s awake.” The older of the two males said suddenly standing at attention with a weapon pointed towards him. Everyone’s eyes turned towards Bellamy, no one daring to break the silence.

_Time to put on one hell of a show._

He filled his face with sadness and confusion, furrowing his brow as he looked towards Clarke Griffin.

“Clarke?” He croaked out in his best attempt at desperation, letting false tears fill his eye, shaking his head as though in denial. Everyone’s face shifted to somewhere in between hope and hesitation. Clarke took a small step towards him.

“Bellamy?” She questioned as she continued walking towards him, emotion heavy in each step.

_It was working._

“Clarke I’m so so sorry.” He said dropping his head and trying his best to convey shame.

“Bellamy I -” she said as she began to moved quicker to his side, seemingly going for his restraints.

_For The Commander of Death, she was quite naive, he’d expected more._

“Wait.” Raven’s voice cut through the air as she grabbed Clarke’s arm stopping her from getting any closer. She was eyeing him nervously and everyone else was carefully watching the two of them. “What did you say to me?” She paused. “That first day on the ring when we were staring out the window together, just you and me, and I asked if you thought we’d be okay without her, what did you say?” Raven asked emotion catching in her words a little.

“Raven I don’t think -” Clarke began but was quickly cut off by Raven again.

“Just wait.” She turned to Clarke. “What did you say?” She said crossing her arms looking back at Bellamy who still had his head bowed.

_Guess that didn’t work._ Bellamy thought bitterly as he slowly lifted his head to reveal a smirk on his face.

“It’s not him.” Raven said stone faced.

“I don’t understand.” Clarke said shaking her head in denial. “How is that possible, what happened to him that made him want to attack me?” She asked clearly upset. He prided himself on that.

“Clarke maybe you shouldn’t be here for this?” Raven asked quietly putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Clarke shook her head and Bellamy laughed. All heads turned to him.

“The mighty Wanheda, Commander of Death, you’re weaker than I thought.” He spoke spitting venom with each word.

“Who are you?” Clarke asked furiously obviously trying to cover up the hurt with anger.

“My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin.” He said the line confidently like he so many times before. He saw Clarke falter and then try to regain composure. She took a few steps towards him again, dropping to her knees to be eye level with him.

“Bellamy I know you’re in there.” She started and he laughed cruelly but she just kept going. “I’m not giving up on you, we can fight this, _together_.” She spoke gently.

_There it was again, together. It made his heart skip a beat for some weird reason but if Clarke noticed, she didn’t show it._

He stared back at her in silence for a moment before speaking again.

“My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin.” He said tilting his head and giving her a challenging smile. At this she sighed and turned away from him, wiping at her eyes.

“There’s no use going on like this, we need some sort of plan.” The guy with the gun spoke again.

“Miller’s right,” Raven paused.

_So that was his name, Miller._

“I say we lock him up in one of the empty rooms and take turns on guard so we can focus on figuring things out without having to worry about him.” She finished and they all seemed to nod silently in agreement.

After that Miller and the other guy grabbed him and walked him down one of the halls to a part of the lab he hadn’t been to yet. He let them drag him to the room without a fight because he knew something they didn’t. He knew about the ticking clock counting down on his arm to the time his brothers would come and retrieve him and then, it’d be over for them all but especially Clarke.

They dropped him in a room that seemed to be more or less an abandoned research room. It had a couple of computers, far less advanced than anything they had on Bardo, some textbooks and some files along with some other pieces of old tech he didn’t recognize. Miller and the other man, who upon closer inspection seemed to be much younger than he initially thought, undid his restraints and threw him inside, closing and locking the door behind them. Bellamy dusted off his hands and made his way towards the computers figuring that if he was gonna be stuck here, might as well try figure out a way to contact his brothers to warn them of the situation. It was better than sitting and plotting endlessly.

He blew a layer of dust off the untouched tech and hit the power on button hoping for at least that to work. Within a minute the whole network of computers in the room was up and running. Bellamy opened up the search menu looking for any sort of contact or connect application and looked until he found something promising.

**_Satellite Radio_ **

It was a folder and so he opened it in hope that maybe he’d be able to radio his brothers on Bardo, although he wasn’t very familiar with how it all worked. When he opened the folder he saw a bunch of files, nothing about starting a radio call. The files were all labeled the same;

**_Recorded-Transmission-#00387.SAT_ **

With the number varying between each separate file. Seeing as he didn’t have many other leads at the moment, he decided to open a file and press play in hopes of it helping figure out how to make a radio call of his own. He didn’t know what he was expecting to hear but the sound now ringing in his ears was certainly not it.

_“Bellamy, it’s been 426 days since Praimfaya and things are going pretty good over here.”_ What seemed to be Clarke’s light laughter filled the room.

_“Madi’s doing great, I taught her how to shoot yesterday just like how you taught me and now she won’t quit asking me when she can come hunting with me.”_ He wanted to shut it off, he really did but something deep inside stopped him.

_“Anyways I just really hope you’re alive, all of you. I hope you made it and that you’re maybe even hearing these calls which would mean I’m not completely crazy talking to myself like Madi so obviously thinks I am.”_ Bellamy felt his chest tighten a little at that but he couldn’t explain why.

_“I hate to cut our time short but it’s dinner time here and Madi’s still not allowed to be around the fire alone cause that’s a disaster waiting to happen.”_ She laughed again and for a second he felt himself wanting to smile with her.

_“I know it’s probably hopeless, Madi sure seems to think so but Bellamy,”_ his heart did that beat skip thing again. “If you can hear this, all I want to know is that you’re alive and you’re safe. Thanks and…. I miss you.” She said solemnly.

The room went silent well Bellamy sat still helplessly trying to make sense of what he just heard. He knew for sure it was Clarke, he recognized her voice, and she was talking to him. She wasn’t threatening him or anyone else she was just _talking_ to him.

_Who’s Madi? What’s Prime-fie-ah? Why didn’t his brothers tell him amount this? Maybe they didn’t know,_ that conclusion seemed to make the most sense to Bellamy.

_This was stupid,_ it’d been enough distractions and he knew he needed to focus on his mission. He knew he needed to at least try and find a way to warn his brothers about Clarke and her coconspirators on Earth. They were searching for the stone but he knew it would take long enough to find it. Even so, what would they do with him? Take him? There’s no way that would end except with him attacking Clarke and they knew that. By the time they supposedly “figure things out” like Raven said, his brothers would be here and he could kill Clarke once and for all, no escape this time.

Bellamy worked endlessly looking for a way to contact the others but it was useless and he knew it, there was no way he could figure out how to use the old tech to get in touch with someone on Bardo. He knew he could escape easily but no matter what, the commotion would bring the others and he’s be right back to his original problem, five against one. His best plan would be to wait for his brothers like he decided after all, it’d only be…

2:06:45

Just over two more days until they showed up to retrieve him. There were hundreds, maybe even thousands of those satellite files like the one of Clarke earlier and he had the time, it would be a lie if Bellamy was to say he wasn’t curious. _Why would Clarke Griffin, a wicked woman who’d caused him nothing but pain, radio him and why did she sound sad and hopeless talking to him?_ His brothers told him The Commander of Death was strong and would stop at nothing to get what she wanted to matter the costs to those around her but the woman on the file earlier sounded almost _broken._ He opened up the folder on the computer and scrolled down to what seemed to be the very first file, opening it up and pressing play.

**_Recorded-Transmission-#00001.SAT_ **

“ _Bellamy,_ ” she sounded weak.

“ _It’s been around one month since Praimfaya.” She let out a shuddering breath_.”

“ _I left the lab today, started walking. My burns aren’t fully healed yet but I’m running out of rations._ ” A pause.

“ _Look I doubt you can even hear me on this piece of crap radio and there’s a high chance I’m talking to myself right now,_ ” she let out a bitter sound that bordered on a laugh and a wince.

“ _But if you’re hearing this, I just need to know you guys made it. That you’re alive and you’re safe. All of you._ ” Another pause.

“ _Get back to me if you can, I’ll keep the radio on me._ ” The recording came to stop, singling the end of the transmission.

Bellamy took a moment to think.

His brothers had told him everything there was to know about Clarke Griffin and the terror she brought with her and so he didn’t understand what he was hearing. It wasn’t anything they told him about, this “Prime-fie-ah” that she’d mentioned in both recordings and so maybe they simply hadn’t known. What he still couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around was why Clarke had addressed him in both her calls, and she’d spoken as if they were allies or even friends but his brothers told him that had never been, he’d never side with such a monster on any matter. Whatever these recordings were, clearly his brothers on Bardo were never aware of them and therefore he decided it would serve him well to listen to them, help gather more intel on _Wanheda_ that he could later use to his advantage. If he couldn’t contact Bardo, the least he could do was spy for them and with that final thought, he clicked on the second recording and hit play.

**_Recorded-Transmission-#00002.SAT_ **

“ _Hey Bell. I didn’t really plan on doing this again but here we are I guess. I’ve been walking all day and as far as I can tell, everything’s gone. I’m gonna try head to Polis and see if I can contact anyone from the bunker. Spending the next five years with my mom is better than dying of starvation on a radiation soaked planet right? It’s crazy how everything is just gone when a couple weeks ago we were driving through forests here thinking we were gonna live in space together. Anyways, please call me if Raven gets the comm systems working, it’d be really great to hear your voice right about now._ ”

Polis. Raven. Five years. Something about everything she was saying sounded so familiar but it was like it was on the tip of his tongue and he couldn’t quite place it.

**_Recorded-Transmission-#00003.SAT_ **

“ _Bellamy, Clarke here. Well of course it’s Clarke I mean it’s not like anyone is alive down here. Sorry, I didn’t mean to go all dark and moody it’s just kind of lonely down here, y’know? Ha, not sure why I’m asking you as I am probably talking to myself anyways. I’m almost at Polis, had to take a little break from driving due to some dizzy spells but don’t worry, nothing I’m not used to by now. Probably just some aftershock effects of being caught in a fiery, radiation soaked, death wave, you know just the usual. Oh ya and I forgot to tell you, I found a rover, I mean it was probably our rover but buried under the sand. How lucky is that? I’ll probably check back in when I get to Polis, let you guys know what’s going on with the bunker and everything. Well bye for now, the same as usual, call me if you can please. Stay safe._ ”

_But she can’t live in the bunker, it was buried under rubble when the death wave hit. Wait how did he know that? Bellamy didn’t remember his brothers telling him anything a bunker or polis or a death wave so how was it that he let that piece of knowledge just slip out? What was happening?_

**_Recorded-Transmission-#00004.SAT_ **

“ _Hi Bellamy, I know it’s been a couple of weeks and I said I would radio when I got to Polis but plans changed. I hope you guys are alright and everything’s going well up there. It would be amazing if I could just hear your voice, know for sure you made it… sorry I’m getting off track here. Where was I? Oh right. Polis. Up until that moment, I believed I’d live in the bunker with the others. With my mom, I can’t bare the thought of leaving her down there. The hard truth is I could dig for years and never reach that door. I’ve been by myself now for two months but this is the first time I feel alone. It’s like we were never here. Maybe we never should’ve been. How the hell am I gonna make it five years? I came to Arkadia looking for food or water but all I found were ghosts. Part of me thinks that Jasper had the right idea. What’s the point if all there is is pain and suffering? Real cheerful Clarke. I’m sorry. Ignore me okay I haven’t had water in two days. I need to find some soon or I don’t think I’m gonna - . Anyway, I doubt you can hear me on this piece of crap radio, but in case this is the last time I get to do this, I just wanna say, please don’t feel bad about leaving me here. You did what you had to do, I’m proud of you.”_

Bellamy hit pause before the next recording could play. He was right about the whole buried under rubble thing, but _how did he know that?_ It was almost like he had heard the story before or at least, a version of it. It felt like a dream, another life, he didn’t understand. He listened to transmission after transmission and with each one seemed to come another piece of the puzzle he didn’t know he was putting together.

_Clarke was born in space and sent down to the Earth to die, but how did they meet then?_

_Madi was Clarke’s daughter, adopted daughter, but how could a monster like Wanheda raise a child?_

_They both survived the death wave with night blood, but how did Clarke have night blood if it was something only grounders had?_

With each new answer came about ten new questions and Bellamy felt more lost than ever. The Clarke Griffin he knew , the one his brothers had told him all about, was a monster. Listening to these transmissions, it just didn’t sound like the Clarke they’d described. _Maybe she’s changed, maybe there was a chance he didn’t have to kill her._

_No_

_That was insane, how had he let himself be so stupid. Lose his purpose and his mission._

_My name is Bellamy Blake and my one true desire is to kill Clarke Griffin._

This must’ve just been another one of her tricks she set up to make him believe she was good, get him to drop his guard and it had almost worked _._

_Almost_

He was so caught up in his inner battle that he didn’t even notice Clarke enter the room until he heard the sound of the door shutting behind him. He quickly whipped his head around to meet her glassy eyes.

_She’s trying to trick you._ He reminded himself.

They both stood at frozen in the silence until Clarke took an uneasy step forwards.

“It was my turn to stand guard.” She said wearily and he watched her uneasily. “I- I heard what you were listening to and I, I didn’t know they were being recorded.” She took another hesitant step towards him.

_“_ Bellamy? _”_ She asked unsure of herself.

Bellamy took a couple steps towards her.

“Clarke.” He said unbelieving that she was this desperate and this stupid that she was really going to fall for it again. It didn’t matter to him though, he just needed to take a couple more steps and then…

In one swift moment he grabbed the mug on the table next to them and brought in down over her head, she was knocked to the ground. He heard fast approaching footsteps and so he made a run for the door, locking it from the inside and grabbing a metal bar that seemed to be part of some lighting system, wedging it in the door handle and sealing it shut. Within a few seconds there were desperate yells from the other side of the door and what seemed to be someone trying to slam their body against the door in an attempt of getting in. He knew it was futile though, there was no way they were getting through that door unless he allowed it.

With that issue out of the way, he let himself turn back to Clarke who was still on the ground trying to scramble to her feet but clearly disoriented. He let out a spiteful laugh and smirked as he walked towards her. Before she had the chance to get up, his boot was on her chest pinning her to the ground of she squirmed desperately under his force. He looked down towards her only to notice her hands desperately reaching for something just out of reach, _a gun_. His smirk widened, she was just making things easier for him.

“Look at you all helpless and desperate. Clarke Griffin, The Commander of Death, _Wanheda_ ,” he paused as he saw her wince at that last name. “Who knew you’d be so easy to kill after all. They told me you were deadly and strong but I now know you’re as weak as a child.” He turned around to reach for the gun and that’s where he made his mistake. In the split second he’d turned his head, Clarke had managed to grab his leg and tug him down, causing him to lose his balance temporally while she had enough leverage to go for the gun. Clarke quickly scrambled to her feet and held the gun out towards his chest. He took a hesitant step back.

“Do it, shoot me Clarke. Either way my men arrive here in two days and you’re all dead.” He said pulling up his sleeve and showing her the tattoo counting down. She furrowed her brow and let her eyes go back and forth between his face and the countdown. The commotion from outside the door was still loud and clear but he managed to ignore it in the face of the new situation he was dealing with.

_He didn’t want to fail his mission but if he wasn’t prepared to die for the cause what good would he do serving The Shepherd?_

“Come on Clarke. You’re not afraid are you?” He asked mockingly as he saw her hands shaking with a death grip on the gun. She’d expected her to shoot him or at least try and restrain him but he hadn’t expected her to turn the gun against her own head and furthermore he had not expected the way his heart dropped at that action.

“I won’t let you kill me Bellamy.” She cried out, tears flowing freely. “I won’t let you because I know -” she cut herself off with a shuddering and heavy breath. “I know if there’s even a chance you’re still in there, you’ll never forgive yourself for going through with it.” She let out a sob and quickly covered her mouth with her free hand. “If I need to die for you to complete your mission, for whoever did this to you to bring you back. I’m okay with that.” She gave him a sad smile. “But I won’t let you to be the one to do it, it has to be me.” She shook her head steadying herself and pressing the barrel of the gun harder into her head.

Bellamy couldn’t even begin to understand what was happening to him right now. He knew how he should feel, happy, relieved, excited, Clarke Griffin was going to die and she couldn’t have made it any easier for him. So what he couldn’t explain was the awful, sinking feeling he got at the sight in front of him.

“I don’t want to do this Bell. If you’re still in there, please.” She pleaded with him. “Bellamy, ** _I need you_** _._ ”

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_“And you may be a total ass had the time but,_ **_I need you._ ** _”_

_“Brave princess”_

_“You want forgiveness? Fine I’ll give it to you, you’re forgiven okay?”_

_“If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.”_

_“Together?”_

_“Together.”_

_“We can’t lose Clarke!”_

_“Clarke’s alive?”_

_“And now you’re home?”_

_“Do you have any idea how much she cares about you? She called you everyday on that radio for six years!”_

_“If I’m on that list you’re on that list. Write it down. Write it down or I will.”_

_“Who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things.”_

_“The things that we’ve done to survive, they don’t define us.”_

_“I was being weak.”_

_“I’ve got you for that.”_

_“The head and the heart.”_

_“You’re a fighter so get up and fight Clarke! Get up and fight!”_

_“Bellamy?”_

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

__

Just like that, everything buried somewhere deep inside him came rushing back as her words and the sight in front of him broke the dam holding his memories hostage. Clarke was still standing in front of him, tears streaming down her face.

“Two” She said holding back a sob and it took him a split second to realize she had been counting down from five. Immediately springing to action, he closed the distance between them, grabbed the gun and slid it far away and then grabbing Clarke tightly in his arms and not letting go. Initially he saw the surprise and dare he say hope, in her face but within a second, her eyes were shut as she cried into his shoulder. “ _B- Bellamy_?” She cried out between her gasping breaths and he nodded into her shoulder, whispering soothing words in her ear, one hand on her back and the other on the back of her head. After what felt entirely too short but also felt like an eternity, she pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “ _It’s really you?_ ” He couldn’t tell whether it was a statement or a question and so he nodded back, eyes not leaving hers. That is until, they caught sight of the purple and red marks all around her neck and the horrible memory came flooding back to him. Her eyes seemed to follow his own and realize what he was thinking because her gaze visibly softened. He removed one of his hands from her and brought it down to her neck so gently that you’d think he was handling delicate china. He let his thumb run soothing circles over the bruised and damaged skin as his eyes took in the horror he inflicted.

“Clarke I’m so sorry, I - ” He began his first of an endless amount of apologies only to be cut off by Clarke.

“Hey,” She forced him to look back up at her eyes. “It wasn’t you, that wasn’t you.” She reassured him but he didn’t believe her.

_Of course Clarke Griffin was comforting him after he was the one that almost killed her, twice._ How he ever thought this brave woman before him was weak, or evil and any of the other treacherous lies the disciples had fed him, was something he’d never understand.

They quickly got to their feet after that making their way to the door where the commotion outside still stood. The second the door was opened, Miller had a gun to him, Raven had ran to Clarke’s side and Jordan and Niylah stood to the side weapons at the ready. It had taken some convincing but after passing all of Raven’s test and Clarke’s constant reassurances, the others had finally accepted that Bellamy was once again _their_ Bellamy. They’d managed to get one problem out of the way but they still had much left to do. The disciples still had Octavia and Echo, they had no idea where Earth’s anomaly stone was and in…

2:01:08

Just over two days, the disciples would be showing up to collect their brainwashed Bellamy. Not to mention, after going through everything he had recently Bellamy Blake had come to some realizations about some maybe not completely 100% platonic feelings about Clarke Griffin. It was all messy and confusing and he wasn’t ready to face his feelings especially with Echo still out there but he knew, one way or another things were going to change.

Whether it be for the worse or for the better, well that’s something only two days time would tell.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed! Thanks so much for reading! This is supposed to be a one shot and for it is but if there is interest I may write a part two with all the love confessions and final show downs etc. Let me know if you want another part! Also even if not, please drop a comment letting me know how you liked it! It means so much and thanks for your time all you lovely people <3


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